its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
