I think I just saw someone hide a body.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
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