You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
