We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
