my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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