A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
