THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
