my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Bring me that man meat
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
