I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize