Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
