goodnight i made you a song goodbye
even my farts smell like vagina
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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