I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
