if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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