Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
