Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
At least life still wants to fuck me.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
