i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
