oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
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