Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
i dont even know how to be here
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
