You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
false alarm, still single
Randomize
