I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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