do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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