is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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