i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize