I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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