Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
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