I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize