its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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