I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
