He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize