Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
