But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Randomize
