dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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