just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize