There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize