We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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