we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
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