i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
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