my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
is that a dick in a sweater?
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
