i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
the liver wants what the liver wants
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
