do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
