I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Randomize
