If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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