Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Randomize
