Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
