How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Randomize
