someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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