Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
