very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I need to align my fucking chakras
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize