If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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