Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
a search helicopter?!
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize
