New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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