I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
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