The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Randomize