Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
