the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
