I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
