No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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