is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Man, jail baloney is awful.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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