What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
