A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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