His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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