At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
