If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
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