I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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