She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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