Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
