discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
