sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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