Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
