he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
