Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
