if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
