I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Randomize
