Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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