i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
He shit in the fireplace
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
