WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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