ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
