I'm really into asian looking animals
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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