a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize
