I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
