hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
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