EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
