she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
well I can't set my house on fire every night
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
