I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
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