can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
