that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Randomize
