It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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