bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Randomize
