dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
