i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
