and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Randomize
