I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
