i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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