Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
