Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
