I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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