I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Randomize
