Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
