Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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