look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
