It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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