Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Randomize
