Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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