I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
