I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
i will never coherently bang her
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
