once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize