it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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