new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
What a dumb baby whore.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
