somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
