I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
