i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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