omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
You are the jesus of drinking
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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