im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
