Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
