I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Found your dick twin last night
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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