Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Randomize
