Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Are my feet made of real feet?
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Randomize
