Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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