Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
