Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
