I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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