I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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