I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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