these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Let's get the cat blown out
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Randomize
