I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
