I wish my penis had an off switch
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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