So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
