moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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