Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
