If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Randomize
