I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
